The Art of Domestication

“The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family.”  ~Thomas Jefferson

As in most life events, there is a certain transitioning “phase” that we all go through when “I” becomes “We”. Now for some people the most challenging part of that transition may be being accountable to someone other than yourself or being responsible for someone other than yourself. This transition hits us in different ways but it most certainly hits us all.

My great light bulb realization has been that now that “I” is “We”, there is no longer such a thing as “My”. Somehow every bit of “My” was converted into “Ours” and in some instances, “Hers” or “Theirs.  I’ve gotten over most of the lifestyle changes that family life demands but this whole “Mine” not being “Mine” anymore has been a tough pill to swallow. I’m a grown man and fully aware of my job description as husband and daddy and I’m not complaining about any of that.  In fact I’m not complaining at all, instead I’m making an observation about the seamless way my clothes end up in someone else’s closet or how my “Man room” now looks like a walk-in toy chest.

I have no problem with my personal checking account being empty for the sake of a healthy family account, but can I at least eat my dinner without any assistance from little mini versions of myself who have already eaten theirs? Now let me reiterate… I am not complaining, just marveling at how on any given night Daddy is unable to watch a program of his choice on his t.v. despite the availability of four other televisions in the house. Wait, did I say “his t.v.”? My mistake, I guess I answered my own question.

My point is that every life event comes with its own challenges and transitions and to get through them it’s important to take a look at the whole picture to get a little perspective and maybe then the challenges don’t look so challenging and the only “My” that really matters is the family that loves you.

And maybe a secret panic room to escape to every now and then.

~Cp

TERRIBLE

“The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” - Lane Olinghouse

I’m trying to take a new approach with my two year-old daughter and her relentless quest to do as she pleases! I want to try and understand why she does the things she does; what makes that tiny new brain tick? Now I know this doesn’t sound like a very assertive brand of parenting, very passive and psycho-analytical, but we’ve reached a point where the obvious methods and techniques have to be abandoned in favor of something deeper, something that will produce answers.

If not, the asylum will soon be run by the inmates my friends. And by inmates I mean my 2 year-old daughter. I would never do anything to stifle her curiosity or imagination but at some point shouldn’t she stop stifling my authority? I want to dismiss it as her being so young. The only problem with that is that if she can understand “time to eat”, “bath time” or “let’s play with the ball”, then I’m certain she should understand “don’t touch that”, “leave that alone” or “stop kicking daddy there” and if she isn’t clear the first time, surely she should get the hint after the fourth and fifth times she hears it.

Right?

So my plan is to study her, get into her head and try to figure out why she melts my heart with hugs and kisses only to stop it from beating by jumping feet first onto my chest while I sleep on the couch. Why? What did I do to deserve that? I’m convinced that the cerebral approach is what’s needed. When your 2 year-old musters crocodile tears as not to offend your ego after you’ve “disciplined” her; it’s a sign that more research is necessary because this ain’t a normal 2 year-old, she just can’t be. I love my daughter more than life itself which is why I’m so determined to get to the bottom of this behavior so that I can keep her. 

So if there are any experts reading this, or friends of experts or someone that knows someone that saw something on Super Nanny, please contact me.

~Cp

THE FAMILY WE CHOOSE

“Life is Partly What We Make It, and Partly What Is Made by The Friends We Choose” – Tennessee Williams

I am a firm believer in the old cliché “people come into your life for a reason or a season, yadda yadda.” Whether it’s by divine intervention or just happenstance, people come and go in and out of your life and no matter how long they stay, by the time the relationship has run its course there is almost always a lesson to be learned or something “gained”.  I’m starting to learn to appreciate that fact and to embrace those lessons or at least embrace the possibility of such a lesson.

Too often we look up one day and someone we considered a close friend isn’t there anymore. Nothing happened to signal the shift, no alarms or warnings went off to help you prepare or brace yourself. Something just happened…life just happened and one day they were there and the next they weren’t. Unfortunately sometimes when that happens we realize that maybe we didn’t appreciate that person/relationship the way you should have and now it’s over.

And we all know how awkward it can feel to try and “rekindle” a friendship after it’s been neglected for a long time, the whole time in the back of your mind trying to come up with a good explanation as to why you let the friendship fall to the waste side in the first place.

I feel very fortunate, blessed or lucky whichever word appeals to you most, to have a lot of people in my life whom I consider to be true friends…the kind that will tell you the things you don’t want to hear when you need to hear it. Or the kind of friend that feels more like family than anything else.  I have friends like that who I know are in my life for a reason, season AND a lifetime but I also know that sometimes I take them for granted and that puts me at risk of ruining or even losing those relationships. But that’s the upside of having a lifelong friend; it’s never too late to right my wrong…to be thankful for the reason or the season.  

~Cp