Atlantis

“A U.S.-led research team may have finally located the lost city of Atlantis, the legendary metropolis believed swamped by a tsunami thousands of years ago, in mud flats in southern Spain.” – Article

I enjoy articles like this one about the lost city of Atlantis or expeditions to the Titanic or the search for Noah’s Ark, etc. They excite me and make me think I may have missed my calling as the next Indiana Jones. There’s something appealing about going on a mission to find evidence of old but not forgotten cultures in order to piece together stories and history that we otherwise would never know about.  It’s a shame that one only has these types of revelations later in life when it’s a little more difficult to act on it.

But I digress. That’s a topic for another time.

After I read this article, naturally my mind shifted to the Earthquake and Tsunami in Japan and I can’t help but wonder if these increasingly frequent natural disasters might not be the catalyst for one of the great mysteries of a future generation. I mean could a tsunami wipe out California or the Hawaiian islands? And if the answer is yes, although we would all know the how and why, in two thousand years would the sunken city of ATLANTA be the subject of legend and mythology for our 31^st century descendants?

I’m sure the residents of Atlantis never imagined that their home and their lives would be the focus of so much speculation and narrative, piquing the interest and imagination of so many. But here we are, thousands of years, hundreds of television series, major motion pictures, songs and countless books later, just wishing we could be a fly on the wall of an Atlantis wall (pre-sinking of course).

 I guess it does more than just excite me to think about these discoveries that give us insight into ancient cultures, but it also makes me consider if and what I may be doing in my life that would be worth the trouble in a couple thousand years. Shakespeare, Martin Luther King Jr., Benjamin Franklin, and Barack Obama all have legacies that will be worth salvaging from the bottom of the ocean should they ever end up there. But what have I done?

~Cp

The Art of Domestication

“The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family.”  ~Thomas Jefferson

As in most life events, there is a certain transitioning “phase” that we all go through when “I” becomes “We”. Now for some people the most challenging part of that transition may be being accountable to someone other than yourself or being responsible for someone other than yourself. This transition hits us in different ways but it most certainly hits us all.

My great light bulb realization has been that now that “I” is “We”, there is no longer such a thing as “My”. Somehow every bit of “My” was converted into “Ours” and in some instances, “Hers” or “Theirs.  I’ve gotten over most of the lifestyle changes that family life demands but this whole “Mine” not being “Mine” anymore has been a tough pill to swallow. I’m a grown man and fully aware of my job description as husband and daddy and I’m not complaining about any of that.  In fact I’m not complaining at all, instead I’m making an observation about the seamless way my clothes end up in someone else’s closet or how my “Man room” now looks like a walk-in toy chest.

I have no problem with my personal checking account being empty for the sake of a healthy family account, but can I at least eat my dinner without any assistance from little mini versions of myself who have already eaten theirs? Now let me reiterate… I am not complaining, just marveling at how on any given night Daddy is unable to watch a program of his choice on his t.v. despite the availability of four other televisions in the house. Wait, did I say “his t.v.”? My mistake, I guess I answered my own question.

My point is that every life event comes with its own challenges and transitions and to get through them it’s important to take a look at the whole picture to get a little perspective and maybe then the challenges don’t look so challenging and the only “My” that really matters is the family that loves you.

And maybe a secret panic room to escape to every now and then.

~Cp

TERRIBLE

“The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” - Lane Olinghouse

I’m trying to take a new approach with my two year-old daughter and her relentless quest to do as she pleases! I want to try and understand why she does the things she does; what makes that tiny new brain tick? Now I know this doesn’t sound like a very assertive brand of parenting, very passive and psycho-analytical, but we’ve reached a point where the obvious methods and techniques have to be abandoned in favor of something deeper, something that will produce answers.

If not, the asylum will soon be run by the inmates my friends. And by inmates I mean my 2 year-old daughter. I would never do anything to stifle her curiosity or imagination but at some point shouldn’t she stop stifling my authority? I want to dismiss it as her being so young. The only problem with that is that if she can understand “time to eat”, “bath time” or “let’s play with the ball”, then I’m certain she should understand “don’t touch that”, “leave that alone” or “stop kicking daddy there” and if she isn’t clear the first time, surely she should get the hint after the fourth and fifth times she hears it.

Right?

So my plan is to study her, get into her head and try to figure out why she melts my heart with hugs and kisses only to stop it from beating by jumping feet first onto my chest while I sleep on the couch. Why? What did I do to deserve that? I’m convinced that the cerebral approach is what’s needed. When your 2 year-old musters crocodile tears as not to offend your ego after you’ve “disciplined” her; it’s a sign that more research is necessary because this ain’t a normal 2 year-old, she just can’t be. I love my daughter more than life itself which is why I’m so determined to get to the bottom of this behavior so that I can keep her. 

So if there are any experts reading this, or friends of experts or someone that knows someone that saw something on Super Nanny, please contact me.

~Cp

THE FAMILY WE CHOOSE

“Life is Partly What We Make It, and Partly What Is Made by The Friends We Choose” – Tennessee Williams

I am a firm believer in the old cliché “people come into your life for a reason or a season, yadda yadda.” Whether it’s by divine intervention or just happenstance, people come and go in and out of your life and no matter how long they stay, by the time the relationship has run its course there is almost always a lesson to be learned or something “gained”.  I’m starting to learn to appreciate that fact and to embrace those lessons or at least embrace the possibility of such a lesson.

Too often we look up one day and someone we considered a close friend isn’t there anymore. Nothing happened to signal the shift, no alarms or warnings went off to help you prepare or brace yourself. Something just happened…life just happened and one day they were there and the next they weren’t. Unfortunately sometimes when that happens we realize that maybe we didn’t appreciate that person/relationship the way you should have and now it’s over.

And we all know how awkward it can feel to try and “rekindle” a friendship after it’s been neglected for a long time, the whole time in the back of your mind trying to come up with a good explanation as to why you let the friendship fall to the waste side in the first place.

I feel very fortunate, blessed or lucky whichever word appeals to you most, to have a lot of people in my life whom I consider to be true friends…the kind that will tell you the things you don’t want to hear when you need to hear it. Or the kind of friend that feels more like family than anything else.  I have friends like that who I know are in my life for a reason, season AND a lifetime but I also know that sometimes I take them for granted and that puts me at risk of ruining or even losing those relationships. But that’s the upside of having a lifelong friend; it’s never too late to right my wrong…to be thankful for the reason or the season.  

~Cp

GRACIAS

"Psychologists studying the effects of positive emotions say gratitude can improve our sense of happiness  if we turn it into a conscious and regular practice."

I read an article about happiness and it included a quiz consisting of 15 questions that were designed to let you know if you were “wired” toward happiness or if you were just a miserable person (not in those words of course). After answering each question they told you if you were right or wrong and then elaborated on the response. The quote at the beginning of this post was in response to the question, “Which is more important to happiness, A) Pleasure or B) Gratitude and of course I got it wrong allowing my “man instinct” to automatically select Pleasure. But by the time I hit the button I had already realized my mistake.

Yes, Gratitude has a larger and more lasting effect on happiness than pleasure. Once I took a moment to consider what they were saying it made complete sense and seemed so obvious and yet, I got the question wrong. Like the quote says, it can improve our sense of happiness if we turn it into a conscious and regular practice, meaning if we live our day to day lives appreciating what we have as opposed to dwelling on what we don’t have, then of course we will be happier as a result.

To use an exaggerated example; imagine waking up every morning and genuinely being thankful for EVERYTHING; the gift of waking up, the alarm clock that awakened you, the hot water to shower, the food to nourish your body, the gas to get to work, the WORK to have to get to, etc. By the time you were done being thankful you’d have no more time or energy to worry about the big screen t.v. you can’t afford or that special someone that won’t return your affections. Like I said, an exaggerated example but that is the gist. Gratitude for the blessings we have can be a fruitful and limitless source of happiness if we truly embrace the concept.

I definitely subscribe to the idea that happiness starts from within before all else.  And this concept is a step towards that type of enlightenment.

~Cp

DISGUST

"Records state that four photographs in the phone's memory chip showed the violation of the youngster wearing a diaper and a yellow sun dress while she rode in a dark blue stroller..." - Article

When I read this headline it took a lot to continue on to the rest of the article. The most eloquent of speakers and craftiest of writers would and should have a hard time coming up with the right words to adequately express the emotion that ran through them after hearing a story like this. Now, I watch enough news to know that unfortunately his isn’t exactly a once in a generation crime, but no matter how many times you hear about something like this, it hits you in a way as if it was the first time you’d ever heard of such a crime.

I don’t necessarily subscribe to the whole “end of days”, doomsday, revelations mode of thinking that’s becoming increasingly popular these days, however, incidents like this definitely help me understand why others believe it. Someone who would do this to a child is deeply troubled and in a dark, evil place and my first inclination is to consider how he became that way. Whatever psychological explanation or social dysfunction you want to apply to this sicko, there’s no denying that somehow, someway, the society he grew up in, the society we’re raising our children in had a part in his transformation from a man to a monster. That’s what really worries me.

Evil men, monsters, whatever you like to call them have been around forever but is it me or are they rearing their ugly heads more and more these days? I don’t know, maybe thanks to forensics and modern technology we’re just better at catching them. Either way every time one pops up on the news or the police blotter it paints another ugly stroke of the world we live in. As a father of two (including a two year-old) words can’t really express how this article makes me feel. I can only hope I’m wrong about my assessment that we live in a world that cultivates these kinds of monsters; that guys like Grzybowicz are an extreme example of what’s out there and not an example of what could be living right next door.  

~Cp

DISCIPLINE

“Discipline is the bridge between Goals and Accomplishment” – Jim Rohn

Have you ever set a New Year’s Resolution for yourself and had every intention to meet that goal or at least try your very best to reach it only to look up one day and an entire year has passed and you're no closer to that goal than when you set it? Don’t worry it happens to the best of us. The problem is that sometimes we fall into the trap of believing that the goal we set for ourselves is too difficult to accomplish or too much for us to handle, when in fact our strikeout has nothing to do with our ability to hit the ball but instead it revolves around our ability to wait for the right pitch…that takes discipline. If you want to lose 100 pounds you can. The only thing stopping you is you. You and your inability to put away the junk food and to exercise regularly…that takes discipline. If I want to write an Oscar winning screenplay I most certainly can because I know the talent is there. What I’m not so confident in is my will power when it’s time to turn off the television or resist the urge for a nap, all in the name of writing, writing, and more writing… that takes discipline.

It's the kind of discipline that comes from having that single goal on the brain constantly, not allowing yourself to be distracted by the “other” things that we indulge in every day. The kind of discipline that fuels your motivation and vice versa, making everything else not associated with that goal…irrelevant.  And lastly, discipline trumps any excuses because a disciplined person won’t allow obstacles to become excuses. So when the new year rolls around and you look back disappointed because another resolution bit the dust, don’t adjust the resolution, look deeper at yourself and whether or not you had a plan and were disciplined enough to stick to that plan no matter what. And that's when you'll be ready to cross that bridge between setting your goal and accomplishing it.

~Cp

RETROSPECT

“One cannot and must not try to erase the past merely because it does not fit the present.”  ~Golda Meir

As I continue to get older (thankfully) the urge to reflect on the past gets stronger as I indulge in the “good times” that make up the history of a person that isn’t around much anymore. The simple life that consisted of responsibilities like paying rent and… uh… making it to work on time and… um… some other stuff I’m sure, the point being that the “load” was a lot lighter and there was a greater focus on having fun, doing what was fun, and finding the fun wherever I could. A lifestyle like that makes for memories worth revisiting from time to time if for no other reason than to get a good laugh and remind yourself of that time that was a little simpler, not better or worse, just…simpler.

Some people might argue that dwelling in the past prevents you from moving forward with life but I say if one quick trip down memory lane reminds you of a life experience that you cherish and makes you want to reach out to that old friend you haven’t spoken to in years, then how could that possibly be a bad thing? My mental time machine serves me well, reminding me of the important people in my life, those who were there back then and those that are still here now, reminding me of who I am deep down beneath all of the “grown up” stuff and responsibilities. So I take my trips, some longer than others down memory lane and I’m always careful not to get lost on my way back, making sure I don’t ever lose sight of what my life is TODAY and the role I play in it. Because one day, the memories I’m creating now will help me to appreciate the new stages of my life that are still to come.

~ Cp